On cultivating a state of okay-ness (even when life is messy!)

The past several weeks have been a doozie for me.   Can you relate?  Astrologically, this time of year is typically about letting go of things, things ending or moving on and opening up space for new beginnings and new opportunities. Unfortunately, endings are not always easy. We are not always ready to let go of things.  It’s hard not to be in resistance when things are coming undone. So this theme of surrender has been coming up a lot lately, both in my own life and in my work with clients. Surrender is this idea of letting go of what we think should be happening or what we want to happen and just embracing and accepting what is. Imagine that sense of white knuckling it, holding on, trying to manage situations that are out of our control and finally just letting go. Often there’s a lot of fear around what might happen if we let go, which is part of what makes it so difficult to do so.  The reality is that we are much stronger and more resilient that we realize.  And our access to our strength and resilience is freed up when we let go of the gripping, controlling, and efforting.

I was recently listening to a talk by Abraham Hicks where she shared about the power and importance of spending more time in a state of satisfaction or acceptance. She explained that we are typically in a state of resisting what is as we try to move towards what we actually want.  And according to Hicks, this is backwards. In order to attract what we want, we need be in a state of satisfaction, love, and acceptance because we attract whatever is aligned with the energy frequency that we’re vibrating at currently. So when we’re in a state of struggling, fear, not enough-ness, we draw towards us more things that reinforce that state.  And when we are in a state of satisfaction, acceptance, love, we attract things that support and are aligned with that energetic state.  This may seem a little woo woo to you with all the talk about energy and vibrations (if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you can tell I like that stuff!).  These teachings also happen to line up exactly with all of the latest neuroscience research on living happier and more vibrant lives.  The more robust our ‘satisfaction’ neural networks are, the more often we’ll feel satisfied, happy, vibrant.

As we all know, satisfaction is pretty easy when things are going well but not so easy when things are tough.  And this is where surrender comes in.  When we know that our state of being and ability to live a life of alignment and flow is independent of what’s happening in our life, there’s way less fear around surrendering and letting go. We may even get to a place of gratitude for these challenges that have helped us cultivate a sense of resilience or okay-ness even when life is messy. 

Easier said than done though, right? How do we actually let go?  How do we create a sense of satisfaction when things feel like they are falling apart?  I’d like to offer you one concrete practice that has worked for me and that I’ve seen work for others.  It’s called resourcing.  Resourcing is one of the core skills from the Trauma Resiliency Model that helps us to rebalance our nervous systems and come back into our resiliency zone.  When we look through a neuroscience lens, when we feel threatened emotionally or physically, our survival response gets activated and our system moves us into flight or flight or even straight to freeze.  This is important if we are running from a tiger but these days, that’s usually not the case. So resourcing helps us communicate directly with our nervous system and let it know that we are safe, there is no threat, everything is okay. From this space, we can think clearly, we feel more grounded, and we are vibrating at a different frequency (and according to Abraham Hicks, we will attract things that are aligned with this resourced state).  So here are the steps:

1. Recall a time where you felt a little bit better, like things were okay, even if just for a moment.  It can be a recent time, a time from childhood, a specific person, place, pet, or spiritual belief that gives you a sense of peace. Trust whatever pops up.
2. Now intensify this resource by vividly recalling it using all of your senses. What do you see when you recall it? Smell? Hear? Taste? Feel on your skin? Play it as if you’re watching a 3-D movie that you’re part of.
3. Now notice any pleasant or neutral sensations as you recall it. What are you noticing in this present moment about your muscles? Your breathing? Your heart-rate? Your temperature?  Anything else.
4. Stay with any positive or neutral sensations for at least 20 seconds. Just continue to soak them in and notice anything else that is happening on this inside.

Here’s a 6 minute downloadable audio version (scroll down to the bottom of the page) so that you can just listen and notice as I walk you through. You can listen to this anytime you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or just not in your natural flow state. The more you practice, the more easily your system will come back into balance on its own when you get bumped out.  When we rebalance our nervous system and are not in a survival response, it becomes much easier to see that we can actually let go, that we don’t have to white-knuckle it. Instead of trying to make ourselves surrender, it just happens spontaneously once our system knows that we are okay.   I’d love to hear how this practice goes for you–and what new things you attract as a result!

Challenge: Download and listen to this resourcing audio or practice on your own next time you feel stressed, agitated, or out of balance.  Share this practice with your friends!
Affirmation: My natural state of flow is always accessible.