In Brene Brown‘s Daring Greatly, she talks about the danger of dis-engagement in a relationship, in terms of the impact on the other’s sense of worthiness. Brene describes dis-engagement as ‘not caring’, ‘letting the connection go’, ‘not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship’. This typically triggers shame, fears of being abandoned, being unworthy, being unloveable for the partner. Brene is referring to dis-engagement in a romantic partnership, but her words made me think about the impact of being disengaged from oneself, one’s essence.
When we don’t take time to be fully present with ourselves, to pay attention to this deeper part of ourselves, to tell ourselves that we care and to let our actions demonstrate this care, how is this impacting our sense of worthiness, of being lovable and valuable?
How engaged are you with this deep part of yourself? How is this impacting you? Want to engage more fully with yourself, your soul, your essence? Here are are some easy ways to get re-engaged:
1. Put your cell phone down. I just recently realized how out of control my cell phone use was getting, I was literally checking my phone every 30min or so and felt a compulsion to make the little red notifications on my email and Facebook go away every time a new notification popped up. I recently took all of my notifications off and it’s been a game changer! I’ve also created a personal intention to choose to breathe, be present with myself and others around me while I’m waiting in line instead of checking my phone. This is a work in progress.
2. Create reminders to check in with yourself, ask yourself how you’re doing and what’s needed. Or create reminders in the form of affirmations, words you want to tell yourself but might not always remember or that another part of you doesn’t believe. You could put a post it note reminder on your bathroom mirror saying ‘How are you, my dear?’ or ‘You are loved’ Or you could put the reminder in your phone (use your phone for something that supports you in being more present with yourself)
3. Meditate, yoga, dance. Any movement or stillness that involves mindful awareness of your body, mind, whole being and encourages you to be fully engaged with your present moment experience. I just tried I new app that I loveCalm (again–the cell phone, I know!) Even just a few minutes a day of dancing to your favorite song, breath awareness meditation, or stretching is a great way to engage with yourself!
4. Make a coaching or therapy appointment. Even the act of making the appointment is sending yourself this message: ‘I matter and I am willing to invest the time, energy, and money to attend to myself and to move more into the person I want to be’. Let your coach or therapist know that part of your intention is to connect more deeply with your Source.
5. Notice what your body is needing and honor that need. This might look like a certain food, sleep, exercise. I notice I’m often over-riding what my body wants due to pressing deadlines, habits, cravings. Notice when you’re feeling tired and go to bed or take a power nap instead of having a cup of coffee. Notice when you’re hungry and what your body wants versus what’s habitual or an addiction. Again, no need to judge or shame yourself when you notice what your body wants and choose not to follow it, you are building awareness and being curious and this is engaging with yourself.
I would love to hear about tools and practices that you use to maintain a loving relationship with yourself. I love supporting people with re-engaging with this deeper part of themselves! Send me an email if you’re interested in setting up a free consult.
Suggestion: Choose one of the above practices (or one of your own) this week and commit to it! Celebrate your commitment to re-engage with yourself.
Affirmation: May you feel deeply connected and engaged.